The Secret Garden of Martha Grim
By Richard Loez. @ 1992

Page 18

Tommy Hawkins didn't like the man that stayed with Mommy. He was mean, and made him him sit quiet for hours in his room. Tommy wanted his daddy to come back home. He didn't understand why he left, why he was could only see him on weekends, but he knew he didn't like it, and that somehow, that Man had something to do with it. Maybe even cause it. He was ten years old, but he wasn't stupid. Tommy knew a lot more than grown-ups thought he did.

Grown ups never played right with each other, Tommy thought, always yelling and fighting. Why couldn't they play right, he wondered. Now his mommy was playing with the mean man. Tommy didn't like that, he didn't think his daddy liked it either.
That's why Tommy spent most of his day riding his bike away from the house, just so he wouldn't have to be around them. Not like they cared. Sometimes he just rode around the block, sometimes he rode up and down the street. Other times, he would ride down to the Jungle house. Tommy would always stay out in the street, when he came to the Jungle house. No, no..he would never go on the sidewalk there. That was just too close. No one would believe him, but he could hear the plants, the trees, they were breathing. It wasn't his imagination, it wasn't! And now, now after what happened to Sarge the cat, now they had to believe him.
And he would prove it. He could take them there, Rudy could take them all back there.

Somehow he was going to prove that there was something wrong about that woman's garden. And how can she not get old? His Mommy and Daddy got older, how did she stay the same?
He was only ten years old, but he knew one thing, and that was that people don't stay the same. She was wrong, her garden was wrong. Tommy Hawkins was going to prove it. Somehow...

Rudy was talking, but all he could hear was the wind, and the sound of Sarge, dying in the grip of that vine.
Tommy had to make them believe him, he just had to...

THE FRIENDS WE THINK WE HAVE....


Are they?

I used to have them..more than I can count on two hands, but somewhere down the line, I lost touch. Or was it they lost touch? I don't know. I tried to keep in contact, but it seems that I was always passed over for that something that was just a bit more fun..more adventurous...more...I don't know...more not me. over time I learned to accept it and be the loner I came to be know as. Not to put so much trust in people, that way I was never let down as much..figure if I didn't put that much trust in them to begin with, I couldn't be hurt as bad.

No expectations...no remorse...no hurt fokin feelings...Everybody's happy...Bullshit!
Never works out

cuz then they leave..

And you're left with a black hole ...a void ....lifes a bitch..ain't it..

I'm done talking about this

Been a While...but who really cares


Hey all, judging from the comments in my little box on the side there, I see that some have missed me, others figured who cares, and still others wondered "What the fuck?"
WELL...I've been contemplating my role in the great scheme of this bullshit we call life.

Taking the time that I did..yes Annie, the Wolf is always around....I do read your blogs, I do it from work mostly, because that's when I get bored...also, I haven't had much of a chance to write, or work on my short story, which I know I have to finish. Thing is, coming up with an ending after 11 years is not so easy.

But I digress...I've been working a lot of hours, and doing a lot of thinking..about where I am, what I'm doing..and basically...just what the fuck is going on..and you know what, I'm actually stumped.

I don't have a freaking clue...

I thought I knew..what I was doing, where I was..but I don't know a damn thing..I've had people that have come into my life that have toss me for a loop. Things that have happened that have made me question who I am, and I swore that I would never have that happen to me.

No..this is not a mid life bullshit thing..you have to have a life to have a crisis..I'm not in a crisis..I'm in stasis..a holding pattern and I don't know why.
I have nothing to be in a pattern over anything..its stupid.
I could, I would..decide to think about where I'm going with this life of mine..would be easy if it affected only me..but it doesn't.
It never does, does it...

The choices we make in life can never affect just us, can they...that would be too selfish, wouldn't it.
but then that would be asking life to be fair...and we all know that is too goddamn impossible.
So that's why I'm pouring this shit out right now...right here...because I can..because its the only venue that I have. because I have to sit here at work and listen to this damn co-worker bitch about her life and the daily fucking drama in it..OY!
but seriously..I don't know. people..lets talk about them. They come into your life, sometimes at the wrong time, when you least expect it..and everything changes. Your path, your expectations, your dreams(though I have no fokin idea what those are), you whole life...and you find out that at forty-seven years old, you're scared..you wake up and you're goddamn scared that the life you thought you were solid in, is not that solid any longer. SO NOW WHAT THE HELL TO I DO?
Where's the goddamn guide book?!
I have no one to talk to...no one to vent...they usually sound off to me..

Who does the sounding board go to when he needs to sound off?




Where's my echo...?


Where's my ear...I lost my shoulder..somewhere down the line...


BTW, Grim will be finished before the year is out..

and Annie..dreamboat Annie..The wolf is always around. just a bit lost right now.