I've come to the realization that I'm going to walk in the door and find my wife crying...
Not because of something I've done...lord knows, that I've done some stupid things in the past, but no, it's because I know my Bruno doesn't have much time....

He's tiring much more faster, and his breathing is getting harsher..but he refuses to give up.

I think that when he does decide to go, it will be in his sleep. See, he didn't eat today. Well, that's not true, he ate this morning, but not all of his food..and this evening, he didn't eat at all. I think he's telling me that it will come when it comes. The Oncologist has yet to get back to us...not much we can do about that.

I can do many things....I just can't make him better...


I just can't fucking make him better.


I'm not a fool. I'm a realist. I know that he's not going to be with me forever, but not like this...not this way. Many that I have loved..I have lost to some sort of disease. Cancer is one of those diseases. I hate that disease. It's taking my boy from me.

Bad enough I live with the spectre of it over my wife...

now this.

And people wonder why I put no stock in organized religion. Doesn't work for me.
Don't bother trying...I'm not arguing with you..believe what you will..me..everything has a spirit, even my Bruno. And one day, he'll be in the Happy hunting ground waiting for me.

That's what I believe.

For now....we'll just play in the backyard.

For now.

---Firsts---
First Best Friend:: Kevin Johnson...We used to write short stories...stupid ones, but it started my passion for writing.
First movie watched in theater:: Dracula Has Risen From The Grave..
First Crush:: Diana Montenego...she was a cutie..
First CD/Record (Artist/Song) owned:: The Knack- My Sharona
First "real" Kiss:: Nancy Gomez...She kissed me goodbye.
First Place away from Parents:: Summer I spent working in the mountains...same summer I got my first kiss...:)
First Car:: '72 Ford Gran Torino..no, not the Starsky car...a year before that.
First Piercing:: don't have any.
First tattoo:: don't have any...yet.


---Lasts---
Last Time You Smoked:: don't smoke.
Last Food You Ate:: A calzone, side salad and bread sticks from "OH formagio" Great place that just opened up...
Last Movie You Watched:: An American Haunting...got the DVD
Last CD You Listened To:: 30 Seconds to Mars - A Beautiful Lie
Last Words You Said:: "It's ok Bruno...go back to sleep"
he woke to the sound that the fridge was making...


---7 Things You Are Wearing---
1:: socks
2:: Sweat Pants
3:: A-shirt
4:: San Diego Comic Con T-shirt (its a bit chilly)
5:: wedding band
6:: boxers
7:: throw blanket (told ya it was chilly)


---6 Things You've Done Today---
1:: fed the dogs
2:: Took the new car to the dealer to get the doors touched up
3:: brought the loner back
4:: Went to the Phoenix Comic convention
5:: Picked up after the Boys
6:: Talked to my friend Ryan tonight on the phone..


--1 Person You Want To See Right Now---
My Cat Simon...ok, not a person in the literal sense, but I miss that stupid cat sometimes...

Update

Well, it's not Valley Fever.
That's the good news.

It is cancer. Deep in my heart, I knew, I just hoped that maybe...but hell, maybe's are for dreamers and fools...and I'm no longer a dreamer, and I gave up being a fool many years ago.

So my dog has cancer. I'm bummed, but I'm not ready to throw in the towel on Bruno just yet...not when he's still playing and eating...Sure he gets tired a bit quicker, but he looks at me with what can only be interpreted as hope...Hope that his dad wont let him down..And dammit, I'm not. We are brotherhood of the Wolf! And the Wolves don't give up so easily.

So the vet said that we need a Prognosis, and a diagnosis. She is sending the records to a doggie oncologist. They have those, ya know...now we have to wait and see...

Petty said it best..."The waiting is the hardest part."

Bruno...



Well, got preliminary word on his condition. Though his vitals are still strong, his calcium and liver enzymes were not good..and the red cells were off, as well as the white cell count.
They are still waiting to hear on whether or not he has Valley fever...but the most likely outcome is my boy has cancer.

To see him play, you wouldn't know it.

I came home today, and he jumped up at me like always. We played in the backyard like nothing was wrong, but it was evident when he tired much quicker than usual.
The vet is hoping that he doesn't have valley fever, as that would just complicate things, but she said that if cancer is the main bug here, than it was caught in time and could be treated.

Still have to wait and see....


I hate waiting.

Well Now....
How ya been fellow bloggers? Well I hope. I know it's been a bit, and needless to say, I've been quite busy, what with the new job and all...getting into the swing of things has taken a little getting used to, not much, but its just that training has been, in a word.....BORING!
There..I said it. I've been trying so hard to stay awake, its pitiful. We had our first test this week. I passed...hell, would have surprised me if I didn't...I know this stuff. Not bragging, just that I did virtually the same thing, so if I didn't pass, I would have been kicking my own ass, know what I mean...
So...Thursday I get a message from my wife, her car is making a noise...Ok. I get home...Friday morning I I listen to it, it's making a high pitched whine....Damn, I know that high pitched whine, and its not good. So, after I get home from work, we take it to the dealer close to our house. Why the dealer you ask? Because there isn't a garage anywhere near us...So its off to the dealer...And by the way, I have to say that the customer service here in Arizona is far and above some of the best I have ever experienced....but I digress, we take my wife's 1996 Toyota Camry to the dealer, tell them about it, also about the "phantom oil leak" that no other mechanic could seem to find...and we leave "Bunkie" (her name for the car), in the capable hands of the service techs.
Saturday morning...we get a call, it's Christy, the girl from Toyota, and the news isn't good. Bunkie, it seems is very, very bad off. Not only did they find the oil leak, but a leak in the power steering, the transmission, and a few other places. The high pitched whine, well that was coming from the Drive belts, they're cracked. So are the timing belt and a couple of others...In other words, it's going to cost $3,948.00 to fix it.
The car blue booked at 3200...and that was three years ago....
So, it was decission time. And Wolfie made the decission. There was noway that I was going to have my wife brake down on the freeway. And well, the car was 11 years and 170,000 miles old...So...Happy Valentines Day Wife:


Actually, it's Black..Yeah, I bought her a new car..they gave us $1,000.00 for the Camry, and 6.9% financing.
It is really nice. Looks like my white one...just a 2007. She likes it..and it will get her where she needs to go, safely.
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You all know him....Those of you who read my blog...This is my boy, Bruno. This is a picture of him, a few months back, when he was at a good healthy weight, 139 pounds to be exact. Then for some reason, around christmas, he started getting a little finnicky with his eating...leaving a little behind, not eating his cookies...he was having his good days and bad days...Then it got worse.
He stopped eating.
Some days he wouldn't eat at all. Some days, just in the morning..some days, just a bit. We changed his food...cut down the amount, nothing was working..So we took him to the veterarian. Found that he had dropped in weight to 109 pounds!
Vet said that maybe it was Separation Anxiety...due to my going back to work. Ok, I could deal with that...She said if he continues to refuse food, then bring him back.

Well, Bruno continued to refuse food..and got irritable, fighting with Bear...So today I took him back...After full examination, Xrays, blood test..The whole shot....
I got the news I didn't want to hear...
Bruno is very sick. Just how sick, I'll know more tomorrow, but it seems that he has a mass on his left side, above his heart. What exactly is it? I won't know for sure until they get the results from the blood tests. But what I was told, it may be Cancer, or it may be Valley Fever...A more common ailment that affects dogs here in Arizona. If it's Valley Fever, it is treatable, but he will have to take medication for the rest of his life.
If it's Cancer....Well.
What can I say...He's my boy. This is very hard for me. You have children, you say, "it's only a fucking dog...get another one.." It's not that fucking easy!
I raised him from a pup...He's my boy...and he's hurting now..
And so am I...

Clearing it up...ROAD TRIP Conclusion

So...Coming out of Blythe, I'm passing this car that's driving as slow as Miss.Daisy on day trip to the Piggly-Wiggly, and get ahead of a Semi-Truck that was the cause of the hold up. Well, Mr. Semi didn't like...So he decided to close the gap..I sped up.

few miles down the line, I'm driving, easy as ya please, and suddenly there's a horn behind me..it's Mr.Semi! He want's to pass...So I speed up, let him pass...he gets in front of me and slows down..WTF!...This continues for the next fifty miles...FIFTY FUCKING MILES!

Finally, about 25 Miles outside of Goodyear, almost home....These lights come on behind me...the flash me..It's Mr.Semi...Now I'm not going to jocky with the Ass, anymore. So I speed up...staying in the same lane. He speeds up...I'm hitting 90 mph...95...then I get into the right hand lane, and slow to the speed limit...meanwhile, he's barrelling down the road...and I see off in the distance, coming, The TRAFFIC PATROL PLANE! See, our highways are patroled by air traffic patrols...and they gauge traffic speeders by radar...so if Mr.Semi wanted to catch me..he would have to continue speeding..and Arizona Highway Patrol, don't like speeders...

So guess who had to slow down???

And guess who had a nice, laugh-filled ride home....

AH...I love sticking it to the morons in life.
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Now, Where has Wolfie been????

To those of you who care...and those of you who just think I left..(Annie),
I haven't left blogging..I got a job...Yes, I've joined the ranks of the gainfully employed. And for the next four weeks I'll be in training...I will try my very best (ANNIE) to continue with my daily blogs...there is lots of material to write about, trust me...and some I can't talk about..due to security issues, but the Wolf is always here..I don't run out on my friends..and I consider those of you who take the time to read my nightly ramblings, who are considerate enough to leave your comments, criticisms and whatnots, my friends...(Annie)

See ya all, Very soon...



Wolfie.

Road trip...continued..

Basically, I didn't count on a 600+ turn around trip playing on me so much...needless to say, I was beat.

The trip out was unenventful. Unless you count every jackass on the road cutting you off everytime you wanted to make a pitstop! Damn California drivers!

So I pull into Cali early, about Nine a.m., my appointment isn't until eleven a.m., so I drop by my Dad's place for a visit. Shoot the shit there for a while, then head to the Doc's.

Docs visit goes better than expected..I lost seven pounds! Merry Christmas to me!
Say my goodbyes, and then its back on the road to AZ.

Well this is where it gets interesting...Wolfie gets to play his own little version of Steven Spielbergs "Duel".




To be continued....

Road Trip...

Well, Thursday morning, I woke up early, showered and dressed. got two Coke blaks from the fridge, made a sandwich, kissed the wife goodbye, and, CD's in hand, hit the road for my Doctors appointment in California.

Ya know, at four in the morning, there aren't a lot of people on the road...lot of trucks..not many lunatics like myself, though...it was quite serene.

and cold.

Halfway out, remembered that I was going to bring the digital cam with me...I didn't.
but I had my cell phone, so as soon as download the pictures, I'll post em...

more later...

2007 Two-fer....


Well, what was I saying about dropping the ball....OK, I'm not one for parades much, but hey, it's the so-called "GRAND DADDY OF EM'ALL".

Yes, I'm talking about the Rose Parade...and this year, there was no Bob And Stephanie...no commercial free KTLA Channel 5...being in Arizona, I have the affiliates...and the BIG THREE ABC, CBS AND NBC

So, I turn on the Television, and choose, the Peacock:



and who do I get....These two winners:



Yeah..Billy and Nancy...do I get a play by play of the parade? No..do I get to see coverage of the floats?...no.
What I get is talk of Billy's chest hair stuck on a float...Nancy's impending pregnancy....The Donald...Commercials!
and then, if that's not enough...oh, this is the topper...They cut-out on the parade at 10:30 am...FOR REGGIS AND KELLY!

The Parade Ends AT 11:00!

I switched to ABC, parade still on...They cut off a half hour for REGGIS! Freaking Reggis!
There were still floats, Bands..Horses! And countless millions get jipped for REEGE!
Bunch of rip off bastards!
I mean thousands, no, millions of people were watching this, and they get short-changed for Philbin and the blonde...what a bunch of crap.

Way to start the year off NBC..

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OK, Now, most people who know me, know I'm not the most politically correct person around. Hell, probably on the planet...not really that bad, but somethings I just don't get. (And if I offend anyone, I'm sorry, but I have to get this out...)
Like this:
The Arizona Attorney General is filing suit against some movie theatres on behalf of a hearing impaired man, and a blind man...saying that the theatres are not accessible to them.

HUH?

i don't see it..I mean, I can understand the point on behalf of the deaf guy...they can install a prompter, captions..what have you...but the blind guy?
what? headphones?...

Seriously, I'm not being facetious...I don't see it. I know that just because he is blind, is no reason that he can not go to the movies, but a lawsuit? WHY?

OK..so they get that, what next..he the guys that don't understand English sue to have Subtitles in their language?....Interpreters on the screen in a little bubble?
Some guy to sit next to you and give you the play by play?
On stage Foley artists?!

When does it fucking end?!

Look, I'm not trying to be insensitive to anyone, really...but that's why the damn things come out in DVD..so you can watch it (listen to it) in the privacy of your own home, Captions included...and there ya go.

I go to the movies, bad enough I have to worry about Joe Schmo talking through the whole damn thing...now I have to worry if I'm sitting in the "Special" Section?

and they wonder why I rant...