Repair, replace...Redeux...
Well, figuring that I have the time, now is just as good as any to replace the screen and screen door that my two semi-moose's saw fit to destroy.
So I break out the handy dandy tape measure I've had for well over 25 years(the only good thing that came from my first job) and set to measuring the screen door and the screen.
As any good Do-it-yourselfer would do, I write down the measurements...and promptly forget the paper on my desk.
Luckily, the wife is here to remind me..and I go back into the house and get the paper...and my tape measure...and off we go to that bastion of home repair and god of commerce....
Yeah..the place to go, where you can find almost everything but someone to help you...well almost. Today we got lucky...there was one poor soul stuck putting stuff away, so we trapped him and forced the info out of him...After five seconds of inane questions..you know; "Young man who worketh here at the Home Depot...where might we, the lowly consumer, find that which we may keep the bugs and pets out of our domicile?...Pray, please disclose this information, before I am forced to club you about the face and ears..."
(At which point I produced a wicked looking club, complete with spikes!).
The hapless fool, taking one look at my club with its wicked looking spikes, was about to protest, when my wife said, "Just point in the general direction and keep your hands close to your body..and you'll be fine.."
The fool believed her...
He pointed...I thanked him...smacked him on the head for doubting I would..and off we went.
Five isles and six unconscious workers later...we found our prize...an aluminum screen door, and a bonus..a pet guard! Oh happy day. Let's see those little bastards break through this...
Then a problem...NO SCREENS! I couldn't believe it...not a one in sight! I was about to go back and trounce that little dweeb within an inch of his sorry life, when wifey pointed out, they sold kits...What? Kits? WHAT THE FOK WAS THIS? Is this madness?
I have no problem putting a kit together, but these dweebs didn't even have the right size...OH NO! THE GODS WERE MOCKING ME!
Out came the club....down went the sales people...
all counted..42 by the time we hit the check out counter....
left the check out clerk alive.
Someone had to take the money...self-check was down.
Tomorrow I have to call Lowes and order the other screen...and they better have it..or else...BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
I love parody.
4 comments:
Hmm, what does a pet guard look like?
What a chore for the screen door! LOL
A pet guard, my boy, is a metal mesh screen that is about half the height of the door itself..
And pooh is into the rhyming, cool..
LOL! You're fucking insane Wolfie! God bless your wife for keeping the peace. Poor dumbass workers. I hate Home Depot potted head people. They don't know squat. Lowe's is much better- I get competent help with them most times.
Shit! I would think a pet guard would include a 5 feet deep moat! and a draw bridge made of steel!. Bah!
My other New Year's resolution is to get my swear words back in running.
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